Subjective Humanity, Chapter 4

When Ino received Shikamaru's message requesting to borrow any romance novels she owned, she ignored it, and went back to tending the plants in the Keima's artificial greenhouse.  When Shikamaru called again, she actually picked up the phone this time, wondering what on earth could be so important that it motivated the lazy captain to call twice in one day.

“I got your message.  You want romance novels?”

“Yes, please.  If you have any.”

“What are they for?”

Ino didn't understand half of what Shikamaru droned on about, but she did get that Hinata was in a coma, and having trashy melodrama read to her might wake her up.  That was all she needed to hear, and she tossed a dozen or so paperbacks with half-naked couples adorning their covers into a shopping bag and headed over to the medical bay.

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Gaara was somewhat peeved that the leader of the largest and most powerful force in space was out of commission due to a hangover, but he got over it quickly when the Hokage's assistant, Shizune, helpfully offered to open up a conference call with one of the head developers of the bio-android project.

And so the Kazekage waited with his brother seated next to him in front of a large screen displaying the two other members of the conference call.  At least, it was supposed to display the other two, however, Shizune had explained that the fourth party was in the middle of treating their own bio-android.  The Suna brothers wondered to themselves if it was a good sign that Temari's Konoha counterpart was also experiencing technical difficulties.

Just a few minutes later, an out-of-breath Captain Nara sat in front of his camera on his desk and appeared before the Suna officers onscreen.

“I apologize for the delay, sir.  I had to wrap up the treatment session and record the lastest neuro-electronic changes in H-1178.”

“It was not a problem.  Shizune was kind enough to update us on the recent happenings of your own battle-damaged bio-android,” the Kazekage replied with a nod.

Shizune took the opportunity to bring Shikamaru up to speed.  “Captain Nara, it seems T-3177 is experiencing the same problems as H-1178.  By the Kazekage's account, when they retrieved T-3177 from the preprogrammed safe point, she was not conscious and could not breathe without mechanical assistance.  They managed to get her respiratory system back online after extensive infiltration, but at this time, the engineers have had very little progress in accessing the user interface or even waking her up.”

“Thank you for the update, ma'am.  It sounds exactly like our own account of events,” Shikamaru responded.  

“If I am no longer needed, Captain, Kazekage-sama, I will take my leave now.  The Hokage's office is a bit swamped at the moment.”

Gaara answered for all of them, “That's quite alright.  Thank you for your assistance.”

Shizune logged off and her side of the screen disappeared.  Not a second after, collars were unbuttoned and good posture went out the window.  Kankurou, who hadn't said a word while Shizune was onscreen, finally greeted the Konoha Captain.

“What's up, Shikamaru?”

The pony-tailed man grinned at his old friends.  “Surviving.  How's it going with you guys?  Led your forces to their deaths yet?”

“Not since Baki's promotion party,” Gaara answered with a wry smile.  Now, that was a fun night.  “Anyways, back to the purpose of our call.  I heard Hinata's going through the same thing as Temari.  Have you made any headway in unlocking the UI?”

“Some.  After a bit of creative hacking with Shino, we got everything open but the UI and frontal lobe.  The treatments we've been doing the past few days are solely for regaining access to them.”

Kankurou, who had been spinning in his chair in the background, stopped and addressed Shikamaru.  “How'd you get that far?  We've had our top engineers hacking for the past day and they haven't gotten more than one-third of the parietal lobe.”

“Take a look at a diagram of a brain with the parts and functions labeled.  Basically, we preoccupied the taste section of the sensory cortex, which made it easier to open everything else up.”

“So, you fed her something?” Gaara asked.

“Sort of.  I gave her small sips of cranberry juice while Shino worked his magic.  Took a little over an hour, not that long.”

“Can we use vodka?” Kankurou asked with a wicked grin.

Shikamaru snorted in amusement.  “If you want her to vomit on you.  A dozen or so shots of vodka within an hour is not something I would recommend.”

“Damn, Temari would've liked that, too.”

The Kazekage pulled the conversation back on track.  “So what are you doing now with Hinata?”

“We're reading to her,” Shikamaru answered, opening a drawer and pulling out what looked to be several books.  “Specifically, mysteries and romances to stimulate the problem-solving, reasoning, and emotional parts of the frontal lobe.”  He held one of Ino's trashy novels up to the camera.  Gaara looked somewhat ill, but Kankurou answered for them both.

“Oh, you have got to be shitting me.”

“I shit you not,” smirked the Captain.  “Read in shifts, non-stop, and alternate the genre.”

“I call dibs on first shift, mystery genre,” the Kazekage announced.

“Dammit, Gaara!”

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Jounin Lieutenant Hyuuga Neji sat in an armchair by his cousin's bedside, reading some god awful romantic crap that he was more than a little embarrassed to be reading aloud.  But it was getting a reaction according to the neuro-electronic scans, so he forged on.

“Vanessa, tears cascading down her flushed cheeks, grasped Benjamin's toned forearm and would not let go.  'Please!  You mustn't leave me!  Not like this!'  Benjamin turned back to her with shining eyes, voice raw with desperation and denial.  'You cannot possibly believe that we--this--will be so easily accepted!'”

Oh dear God.  Neji had to take a break before he gagged.  Perhaps Lee would have been better suited for this.  However, Neji had taken on a reading shift because he was already visiting Hinata regularly.  Though he had no doubt Lee would have jumped at the chance to read romantic stories to a pretty, albeit comatose, girl, he didn't want to take him away from his duties.  On that note, Neji wondered how Shikamaru and Shino read to Hinata, and he had to stifle his snickering when he saw through the room's window the Captain of the Keima himself arriving.  The lieutenant immediately rose from his chair and stood at attention as the door opened.

“How's it going, Neji?”  The Captain asked, closing the door behind him.

“Hinata's neuro-electronic scans are improving, sir.  I was just reading from one of the various literary choices provided by Haruno and Yamanaka, sir.”

“I keep telling you that's not necessary.  I hardly warrant a 'sir',” Shikamaru muttered, then picked up the book resting on the arm of the chair.

“Forbidden Affections, eh?  Funny choice.”

“How so?” Neji asked.

“Um, never mind.  Just a dumb little joke.  Not even that funny, really.”

“If you say so, sir.”

Neji received a quirked brow in response.  

“I apologize.  But Shikamaru, you really should accept your title already.  You don't think it's strange, and blatant favoritism, that you allow a small group of your subordinates to address you informally, while everyone else must follow protocol?”

“But I don't view you as my subordinates, I see you all as friends.  The rest of them I don't know and they don't know me, so our relationship is strictly Captain and subordinate.”

Neji frowned.  “Just don't get caught by the brass.”

“I'm not stupid.”  Shikamaru casually leaned on the door frame.  Neji remained standing; even if his superior insisted he wasn't his superior, he would at least show respect by standing alongside him.

“Hey Neji, I just got done talking to Gaara and Kankurou, and I wanted to get a second opinion.”

“I'll help in anyway I can.”  If Shikamaru ever needed a second opinion, Neji understood that whatever was on the genius's mind must have wound itself into something ridiculously complex.

“You know about the bio-android project from six years ago.  Remember Temari?”

“Sure.  Built for the Kazekage to strengthen the alliance with Suna.  Why?”

The younger man turned and looked at Hinata, as if her prone body would provide answers.  “Hinata and Temari are having the exact same problems.  Both were in the aerial fight with Sound a little over a month ago, and both were jettisoned to their classified safe points after sustaining significant injury.  When they were picked up, both showed absolutely no physical injury, but both had near complete lock-outs to their brains.”

Neji had to admit, the nearly identical events and symptoms seemed to be more than coincidences.  However, the picture wasn't complete.  “Do we know what they were doing at the time they redirected to the safe points?  Were they separate, or did they have a common single enemy?”

“That's what's been bugging me, along with hundreds of other questions.  We can't figure any of it out until Hinata wakes up.”

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Kankurou had been sitting at his sister's bedside, reading at a barely audible whisper some lovey-dovey shit borrowed from Gaara's former student, Matsuri.  It would've been her shift right now, but Baki arrived a few minutes too early to his own shift last week, only to find the young brunette reading a romance novel to Temari while replacing the main characters' names with the Kazekage's and her own.  When Gaara was informed by his assistant and his highly amused brother, Matsuri was soundly, and quite impersonally, booted from the already short list of readers.  Kankurou thought his younger brother was overreacting, perhaps out of embarrassment, but Gaara insisted it would be detrimental to Temari to have her processing horrendous soap opera-like scenes while picturing himself.

The Lieutenant had to admit Gaara had a point.  He wouldn't know what to do if his sister woke from her coma only to believe that he randomly rode horses along beaches, never buttoned his shirt higher than his navel, and made a hobby of seducing shoe cobblers' daughters.

The shoe cobbler's daughter he was currently reading about was on the verge of confessing her raging lust to the hero of the story, when Kankurou heard the steady beeping of the neuro-electronic scanner suddenly speed up.  That only meant one thing, and the man jumped up from his seat, reached into his shirt pocket for his communicator, fumbled with the buttons, and finally got the youngest of the Sabakuno on the line.

“Gaara, where are you?!”

“I'm on my way to the med bay.  I know you hate reading to Temari, but seriously, I'll be there in a few minutes for my shift.”

“No, no, it's not that!  I think she's waking up!”

The line disconnected, and not half a minute later, the Kazekage burst through the door followed by  Baki, both panting heavily.

Once the two composed themselves, the room went silent but for the scanner beeping at near-frantic tempo.  It was possibly the most agonizing two minutes for the brothers, but slowly, the beeping slipped into a calmer rhythm, and Temari groaned.  Legs shifted restlessly under the blanket, and eyelashes twitched before fluttering open.  With squinting eyes and creaking joints, the young woman managed to sit up without assistance, since all three men were frozen, wide-eyed and staring at the living miracle before them.

Her eyes landed on the men, and Kankurou could swear she looked...confused.  Oh, wait, he thought he saw a flash of recognition in her expression, but she was definitely still confused.  He didn't blame her, she'd been out of it for over a month.  But she did something no one had ever seen her do: blush.  And it wasn't faint.  It was bold, and it was spreading down her neck, below the neckline of her hospital gown.  Something seemed to strike Temari then, and she looked down at her body, then looked at her mentor and brothers with wide, horrified eyes.

And screamed in utter terror.

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Shikamaru and Neji were in the middle of discussing the possible scenarios of the aerial battle that had left Hinata in a coma for the last five weeks, when the subject of their conversation gave a small cough.  Shikamaru immediately grabbed the printed neuro-electronic readings next to the armchair.  He completely missed the spike in brain activity that occurred only a couple of minutes ago!  But the self-scolding was cut short, because Hinata started shifting slowly in her bed.  Shikamaru glanced over at Neji, who was staring intently at the girl, and was quite sure he had stopped breathing.  He briefly hoped she'd wake up soon before the lieutenant passed out.

Hinata stilled, and her eyes seemed to shut even tighter, furrowing her brow.  Quite unexpectedly, her eyes shot open, and blinked rapidly to acclimatize to the bright hospital lights.  Shikamaru felt a wave of relief when he finally saw the pale lavender of Hinata's eyes after so long, but that relief was short-lived when she lifted her head and finally looked upon the two men in the room.  There was something very different behind those eyes, and the Captain was at a loss for what it was.  The petite young woman seemed to effortlessly sit up, stared alluringly at Shikamaru, and spoke in a tone no one ever would have thought they'd hear from this girl.

“What's up, Crybaby?”